How to Annoy a Hanyou
by Pyreite
Summary: What better way to pass the time then to annoy your baby brother?  Sesshoumaru can irritate Inuyasha by paying special attention to his dearest friend, the Shikon Miko, Kagome.  Inspired by Riku Ryuu's Dokuga Fanfiction Prompts.  Sess/Kag. Feudal Era. A/U
1. The Wonders of Mistletoe

_**How To Annoy A Hanyou**_

Inspired by Riku Ryuu's Random Prompts

Prompt: Cheat

**Warning**: _This chapter contains the use of strong coarse language. Discretion is advised._

**Lesson 1: The Wonders of Mistletoe**

The Lord of the Western Lands approached his half-brother's dearest friend. Sesshoumaru observed her earnestly, his golden eyes narrow. The Shikon Miko wondered what was on his mind. "Sesshoumaru-sama? Is something wrong?" she asked when the Taiyoukai crouched beside her. His clawed hand emerged from a voluminous ivory sleeve.

Kagome stared at the glossy green leaves, and the round white berries that glistened between the inuyoukai's clawed fingertips.

"You have cheated this Sesshoumaru", the Western Lord declared gravely.

Kagome glanced from the festive sprig of mistletoe to Inuyasha's scary older brother. She blushed. Sesshoumaru-sama had noticed that she'd excluded him from that particular tradition after all. It was Christmas time in the Modern Era. The Miko, having missed the celebrations due to her quest for the Shikon shards, had tried her very best to bring a little festive cheer to her friends.

"I'm sorry Sesshoumaru-sama, but I didn't think that it would be appropriate given who you are", reasoned Kagome. She wasn't the only one staring when the Taiyoukai presented his magenta-striped cheek. Inuyasha scowled. Miroku hid a smile. Sango continued to comb Rin's hair while Jaken unsaddled Ah-Uh, and Kirara curled into Kagome's lap for a catnap.

"This Sesshoumaru will decide what human traditions he will and will not participate in Miko", grumbled the Western Lord. He huffed impatiently. "You will rectify this misdeed immediately". The Taiyoukai raised the mistletoe above his head. He waited expectantly while Kagome wondered if he was sane.

The Lord of the Western Lands wanted his share of the Christmas kisses. "Get away from her Bastard!" snarled Inuyasha. The Shikon Miko glanced to her friend. The hanyou's fingers were curled round Tetsusaiga's hilt. Kagome took matters into her own hands.

The tranquility of their camp would descend into chaos if she didn't act quickly.

The Shikon Miko patted Kirara for comfort. She took a deep fortifying breath. It was now or never. Kagome leaned over, and kissed the Taiyoukai's cheek. "_KAGOME_!" spluttered Inuyasha.

"Very good Miko" stated the Western Lord. Sesshoumaru admired her tenacity. He ignored his loud, and obnoxious half-brother. The Taiyoukai returned the favour. Kagome flushed when his lips grazed her earlobe.

His aim was terrible. The Shikon Miko heard Inuyasha's baritone growl, Rin's soft giggle, and Miroku's sagely advice. "A little more to the left and you'd be on target Sesshoumaru-sama".

"_MIROKU_!" roared Inuyasha.

Kagome gasped when the Western Lord, composed and adroit, rectified his earlier mistake. "Forgive this Sesshoumaru his error", he murmured into her ear. The Taiyoukai's head turned, and his mouth, warm and soft brushed Kagome's cheek. "I know my manners little Miko. Do you?" challenged Sesshoumaru when he pressed the sprig of mistletoe into her hands.

Kagome swallowed nervously when he left her, quiet, stunned, and mortified. The Western Lord returned to his side of the campfire. The Shikon Miko stared after him, wide-eyed, and astonished. Sesshoumaru, the terror of the Western Lands, had kissed her ear, and then her cheek. She wasn't sure if he'd been flirting intentionally, or if he'd simply used the opportunity to annoy Inuyasha.

"Kagome!" wailed her hanyou friend. "_Stop blushing_!"

Word Count: 519


	2. Put Mind Over Matter

_**How To Annoy A Hanyou**_

Inspired by Riku Ryuu's Random Prompts

Prompt: Sand

**Warning**: _This chapter contains the use of strong coarse language. Discretion is advised._

**Lesson 2: Put Mind Over Matter**

Kagome was used to grazing her knees, and skinning her elbows. Cuts and scrapes were the least of her concerns in the search for the Shikon shards. "I'm fine Sesshoumaru-sama" she assured. The Shikon Miko wobbled on tender ankles, sore heels, and bruised shins. Her knees knocked, and she teetered unsteadily.

Kagome endured the aches and pains. "I'm just a little tired". She was determined to prove her worth. "I can keep going". The Lord of the Western Lands was unconvinced by her paltry excuses.

The teenager fought to keep her balance. She was trembling and in obvious discomfort. The spar had been easy on Sango, but the Shikon Miko was unused to the vigour of taijiya training. Kagome, more clumsy than nimble, had often tripped over her own two feet. She was awkward and uncoordinated, but Sango knew that her friend would persevere.

The Taiyoukai considered the stubborn Miko. She was akin to Rin. His ward strived to do her very best in the simplest tasks. Sesshoumaru found Kagome's resilience endearing. She was clearly exhausted but willing to continue. The Western Lord decided to test her resolve.

Sesshoumaru beckoned imperiously. "Come" he commanded, stepping back. "Walk to me".

Sango was concerned. She saw Kagome's eyes grow round, her mouth turn down unhappily, and her brows furrow. The Shikon Miko was startled by the Western Lord's demand. "Sesshoumaru-sama" interceded the taijiya. "We can continue tomorrow", she suggested, hoping to spare her poor friend unnecessary embarrassment.

Sango could see Kagome's wobbly raw red knees.

She was close to falling flat on her face.

"If you can stand then you can walk. Come Miko", urged the Western Lord. He extended his hand. "Show the taijiya that even you, a novice, has pride". Sesshoumaru regarded Sango with displeasure. His golden eyes narrowed.

Sango's cheeks turned rosy. She felt the weight of his disappointment. The taijiya, unable to meet his gaze, looked away. Sango was reminded of her late father, a stern and quiet man that had conveyed all that he'd felt in a single glance. Her heart ached.

Inuyasha witnessed the effect of his Bastard brother's thoughtlessness. Kagome, worn and wearied, was upset. Sango, usually strong and composed, was close to tears. The hanyou bared his fangs. His downy silver ears flattened.

Sesshoumaru ignored his half-brother's baritone growl. Sango was living proof that the fairer gender was not to be underestimated. "The day will come when you must rely upon your own strength. It may be all that stands between you and failure". Kagome stared at the Taiyoukai. "Prove your mettle. Come to me".

Inuyasha opened his mouth to protest. He was shushed by a pious pervert, and devoted friend. "Have you no faith in her!" The hanyou, taken aback, whirled and snarled at Miroku. The monk met his furious glare, undaunted. "Kagome-sama is stronger than she believes herself to be. The seed of confidence can grow if it is sown, and nurtured by challenge and difficulty. Let her try my friend".

Miroku caught Sango's eye. He shook his head when the taijiya moved toward the Shikon Miko. '_Leave her be_' the monk mouthed earnestly. Sango glanced between Miroku, their mutual friend, and the Western Lord. Sesshoumaru-sama beckoned.

Kagome, reluctant and stubborn, surprised her friends.

She took the first step. Her knees wobbled like a newborn fawn's. "Good. Now another" encouraged the Taiyoukai. Kagome gritted her teeth. She focused on the Western Lord, took a deep breath, and lifted her foot.

The Miko's heel touched down in the sandy dirt. She winced. Her muscles ached. "I can do this!" declared Kagome. She bent her grazed knee, and took a third step, and then a fourth while her friends looked on in amazement.

"Put mind over matter and obstacles that were once thought unconquerable are overcome. Only the destination remains. You are almost here", affirmed Sesshoumaru. Kagome's progress was slow but steady. She walked at her own pace, taking one step at a time towards her goal. The Lord of the Western Lands nodded when her trembling hand found his. "Now you see little Miko. The first step is the most difficult, but every one that comes after, is made easier the harder we try".

Kagome sniffled, and her eyes brimmed with tears. "Thank you Sesshoumaru-sama". She blushed prettily when the pad of his thumb stroked her knuckles. "_Sesshoumaru-sama_?" The Miko hadn't forgotten the 'Mistletoe Incident' and his request for a Christmas kiss.

The Taiyoukai appraised her bruises, cuts, and scrapes. She was delicate as spun glass and strong as steel. "This Sesshoumaru will tend your hurts", he offered kindly. Kagome blushed when the Western Lord drew her hand to his lips. She gasped when his tongue, rough, wet and warm swept over her bloodied knuckles. The tip of his fang grazed her skin.

"S-S-Sesshoumaru-sama!" she stammered breathlessly.

The Western Lord noted her rosy cheeks. The flustered Shikon Miko was unused to flattery, fuss, and attention from males. Sesshoumaru found her doe-eyed innocence charming. He regarded her intently. "Dogs lick their wounds little Miko. Have patience. I shall soothe all of your hurts in due time".

Kagome stared when the Taiyoukai tended her grazed knuckles with gentle sweeps of his tongue. He was thorough and attentive. Butterflies fluttered in her stomach. "_Thank you! But I can manage on my own_!" squeaked the embarrassed Miko. She tried to slip her hand from the Western Lord's taloned fingers.

Sesshoumaru held fast. "Youkai saliva promotes healing. It is best applied with diligence, and patience".

Kagome flushed to the tips of her ears.

"_YOU PERVERTED BASTARD_!" roared Inuyasha. He unsheathed Tetsusaiga. "_YOU'LL BE LICKING UP DOG-TURDS WHEN I'M THROUGH WITH YOU_!"

Miroku, encouraged by Sesshoumaru-sama's fine example, waggled his eyebrows. "I would be honoured to soothe your hurts my dearest". Sango blushed. The Monk grinned impishly. "I shall kiss every bump, tend every scrape, and massage every aching muscle. You will be lavished with my affections".

Sango glanced his way. Miroku laid a hand over his heart. He sighed wistfully. "Would you do me the honour of bearing my child?"

"_MIROKU_!" snarled the red-faced, and furious taijiya.

Word Count: 1019


	3. Fluffiness Is Irresistible

_**How To Annoy A Hanyou by Pyreite  
><strong>_

Inspired by Riku Ryuu's Random Prompts

**Prompt:** _Mask_

**Warning**: _This chapter contains the use of strong coarse language. Discretion is advised._

**_Lesson 3: Fluffiness Is Irresistible_**

Kagome sighed. She was bored stiff. The Miko reached for her enormous yellow backpack. Inuyasha had planted his backside in the middle of their camp. "Don't even think about it!" griped the hanyou.

"I'm just getting Shukaku-chan!" snapped Kagome. She rummaged through the bag searching for the one object that would brighten her day. "There you are!" The Miko was ecstatic when her fingers found the plushie's thick, soft and fluffy faux fur.

Kagome withdrew her favourite stuffed animal. She cuddled her delightfully squishy Shukaku-chan. The plushie, tawny and cute, had a pair of pointy ears, and a large racoon-like tail. Shukaku-chan's spongy body was covered in a plethora of indigo whorls. Inuyasha turned to see what the Miko was cooing over.

He scowled when Kagome rubbed her cheek against the masked-tanuki's downy-fur.

She sighed in contentment.

Inuyasha turned green with envy. Kagome was always fussing over Shippo, petting Kirara, or cuddling her favourite childhood soft-toy. It drove the jealous hanyou into a rage. "_Stop squeezing that damned thing_!" he demanded, annoyed that she was paying more attention to a stuffed rodent then to him. "You're the Shikon Miko not a squealing brat!"

Kagome's mouth turned down. She glared at the sulky hanyou. "I'll cuddle Shukaku-chan wherever and whenever I want too Inuyasha!" The Miko drew the tanuki-plushie tight to her chest, and continued to snuggle the stuffed menace. Inuyasha glowered when Shukaku-chan's fluffy head pressed into Kagome's bosom.

The plushie's plastic eyes seemed to glint cheekily. The regal Lord of the Western Lands chose that moment to peer curiously at the unsuspecting Miko. Inuyasha turned red when his nasty older brother loomed over Kagome. "_Oi_! _Leave her alone!"_ The hanyou had kept a vigilant watch for Sesshoumaru all afternoon.

One moment of distraction and his half-brother had snuck passed him unnoticed. Inuyasha remembered the Christmas Kiss incident, and the more recent Miko Lick-A-Thon. He growled warningly. "Keep your lips off Kagome, and that damned tongue in your mouth!" The hanyou eyed his sneaky elder sibling.

"I'm watching you Bastard!"

Inuyasha would chaperone today's visit.

"No funny stuff!"

Kagome glanced up at six feet of silver-haired Taiyoukai. The Miko looked into his face, and a pair of twinkling golden eyes stared back. "Good afternoon Sesshoumaru-sama" greeted the Miko. She smiled sheepishly. The imposing Western Lord had witnessed her penchant for snuggling anything small, cuddly, and irresistibly cute.

Shukaku-chan was an adequate substitute for Shippo.

"Good afternoon little Miko". Sesshoumaru paused, and Kagome blushed when his golden eyes slanted to the tanuki-plushie in her arms. She was throttling poor Shukaku-chan. The soft-toy's glassy eyes were near popping out of its furry head. "Why are you squeezing the life out of that poor creature?" queried the Taiyoukai.

Kagome blurted the first thing that popped into her head. "I like to cuddle soft and fluffy things when I'm nervous and scared".

Inuyasha blanched. "_KAGOME_!" The hanyou's fingers curled round Tetsusaiga's hilt. He kept an eye on Sesshoumaru. The Lord of the Western Lands had a knack for making a nuisance of himself when Kagome was concerned.

"_DON'T ENCOURAGE HIM_!"

The Miko winced when her ears rang. The hanyou was loud enough to pop an eardrum. The Taiyoukai tuned out his obnoxious half-brother. Sesshoumaru knelt in the grass beside Kagome, and regarded her thoughtfully. "Do I make you nervous little Miko?"

Kagome appraised him cagily. "Yes". She hid her red face behind Shukaku-chan's fluffy head. The Miko clung to the tanuki-plushie like a security blanket. The Western Lord was staring, and Kagome felt like a mouse in the grass beneath his keen, golden-eyed gaze.

Sesshoumaru's breath was warm on her skin. The silken strands of his hair tickled her cheek. The Taiyoukai smelt like thunder before a storm, heady and dangerous. Kagome trembled when he murmured in her ear. "Are you afraid of me little Miko?"

"_Yes_" she whispered meekly.

Inuyasha's nostrils flared. He sniffed apprehensively. The hanyou, scenting the bitter tang of Kagome's fear, roared. "GET AWAY FROM HER!" His teeth were bared and his claws were out.

Inuyasha was ready to leap to the Miko's defence.

"_SESSHOUMARU-SAMA_!"

Inuyasha's golden eyes grew round. He gawked, incredulous, when Kagome spilt into his half-brother's lap. Sesshoumaru, cross-legged, offered himself as a substitute seat for the frightened, plushie-strangling Miko. "_Sesshoumaru-sama_!" squealed Kagome. She froze when a large taloned hand glided over her scalp, and down behind her head.

The Western Lord's taloned fingertips came to rest on the nape of her neck.

The warm weight retreated, then returned when the Taiyoukai smoothed her hair over again.

Kagome gaped at her hanyou friend, her eyes round and wild like a trapped animal. She had Shukaku-chan in a death grip. Inuyasha heard the high whine of the squishy, inflatable sound box sewn into the tanuki-plushie's belly. The Miko _was_ squeezing the life out of the poor creature. Shukaku-chan would soon pop stitches if Kagome didn't relax.

Inuyasha felt a twinge of sympathy for the stuffed pest. He glared at his elder sibling. "What the hell do you think your doing!" he snarled. The Lord of the Western Lands let his hand slide over the Shikon Miko's hair again. Sesshoumaru met his half-brother's gaze and explained primly.

"I am petting the Miko".

Kagome, cherry-cheeked and flustered, wailed. "I'm not Kirara!" She tried to bolt from the Taiyoukai's lap. "_Sesshoumaru-sama_!" The Western Lord's taloned hand shot forth. The Shikon Miko was hauled back by the waistband of her pleated green skirt.

"_I can see that Bastard_!" hollered Inuyasha. He glowered when Kagome toppled over into Sesshoumaru's lap again. The Miko's face was red and her eyes watery. The hanyou could scent salt and anxiety. "_Let her go_!"

Sesshoumaru laced his only arm round Kagome's waist. She sniffled, clearly distressed, and blinked blearily at her hanyou friend. "I cannot little brother", declared the Taiyoukai. "She must realise that I am not her enemy". Inuyasha scowled when the Miko's tears flowed like water over her flushed face.

"S-S-Sesshoumaru-sama!" stammered Kagome, teary-eyed and distraught.

The Western Lord grasped a fistful of his ivory pelt. Inuyasha gawped when Sesshoumaru used the downy fur to dab Kagome's wet cheeks. He was unusually gentle and attentive. The Taiyoukai wiped away her tears. "Rin cries when she is nervous, and afraid" he stated sagely.

Kagome hid her face behind Shukaku-chan. Sesshoumaru spread his pelt over her bare legs. "My ward ceases to weep when she can huddle beneath my fur. Rin is comforted by its warmth and familiarity, and you will be too little Miko". Inuyasha's lip curled. The hanyou couldn't believe his half-brother's audacity.

"You're the reason she's blubbering like a brat!"

Kagome gasped. "_Inuyasha_!"

The hanyou's nose wrinkled distastefully. "You were fine before the Bastard showed up, and now your leaking like Kaede's roof in the rain!"

Kagome's grip gentled on Shukaku-chan. Sesshoumaru smoothed his taloned hand through her hair again. He was pleased to hear her quick shallow breaths even out into a deeper, and more relaxed rhythm. The sour bite of fear abated and it its place anger roused. The Miko smelt pleasantly spicy.

The Taiyoukai inhaled deeply to memorize the nuances of her natural scent.

Inuyasha's callous comment had incited her wrath.

"Sesshoumaru-sama?" she asked delicately.

Inuyasha's downy-silver doggy ears perked at the sound of Kagome's voice. The hanyou didn't appreciate her tone. He recognized that saccharine timbre. The Shikon Miko was going to do something that would infuriate him. "_Don't even think about it_!" commanded the irascible hanyou.

The Western Lord wondered on Kagome's sudden bravado. "Yes little Miko?"

Kagome blushed and offered her precious tanuki-plushie to him. "Please would you give Shukaku-chan to Rin for me? I don't think that I'll need him anymore". She settled into the Taiyoukai's lap like an overgrown kitten, and laid her head upon his shoulder. The Miko's eyes were downcast when she made her admission. "I hope that Rin can find it in her heart to forgive me Sesshoumaru-sama".

The Taiyoukai courteously accepted the proffered plushie, and tucked Shukaku-chan into the crook of his elbow. "You have not committed an offence" he assured her. Kagome's cheeks dimpled. She smiled bashfully.

"But I will Sesshoumaru-sama".

The Western Lord mused aloud. "How so?"

Kagome ran her fingers through the wonderfully warm and heavy armful of ivory fur in her lap. She sighed happily, and snuggled into the Taiyoukai's prized pelt. "I've found something softer, cuddlier, and fluffier than Shukaku-chan". Sesshoumaru laid his chin upon her hair. He patted Kagome's back, and murmured soothingly.

"Rin will be content to share little Miko".

"I hope so".

Inuyasha was horrified by what he saw. His dearest friend was rubbing her cheek on the Taiyoukai's strip of ivory fluff. She'd always loved Shippo's velvety tail, and the hanyou's silky ears. Kagome now had something else irresistibly furry to obsess over. "YOU BETTER QUIT PETTING THAT DAMNED THING!"

Sesshoumaru enjoyed playing dirty.

"PUT IT DOWN KAGOME!" demanded Inuyasha.

The Shikon Miko buried her face in the Western Lord's pelt.

Sesshoumaru considered his envious half-brother.

"_STOP SMIRKING BASTARD_!"

Inuyasha lacked the wit, charm, and guile to appease the fairer gender but he could enrage them like a spark to tinder.

Word Count: 1528


	4. Stick It and Rip It

_**How To Annoy A Hanyou By Pyreite  
><strong>_

Inspired by Riku Ryuu's Random Prompts

**Prompt:** _Duct Tape_

**Warning**: _This chapter contains the use of strong coarse language. Discretion is advised._

**Lesson 4: Stick it, and Rip it**

Kagome picked at the ruined hem. The short, pleated green skirt was part of her school uniform and expensive to replace. She'd already destroyed two others after an unfortunate encounter with a wild youkai's claws. "Mama isn't going to be happy about this", she told herself, chagrined that her dearest mother would yet again have to pay for another skirt. The school year had barely started too.

The Shikon Miko sighed guiltily. "Inuyasha isn't going to be happy either". She glanced across the campfire to her dearest hanyou friend. He was scowling, red-faced, and fuming. "That was pretty low of you Sesshoumaru-sama", she chided, blue-eyes slanting to the Taiyoukai delicately slicing strips of pink duct tape from the loop in her hand.

"Inuyasha brought it upon himself" countered the Western Lord. His golden eyes glinted in the firelight, mischievous yet dignified. The corner of his mouth curled upwards. He was delighted with Inuyasha's suffering. "The half-breed will think twice before he dares to fall asleep again while watching my ward".

Kagome shook her head. There was no reasoning with him. Sesshoumaru-sama had a twisted sense of humour, and strange ways of disciplining his errant underlings. The Miko spread the frayed hem of her skirt flat over her knees, and patiently accepted the strips of duct tape that the Taiyoukai offered to her. "Thank you" she said gratefully, pleased that he'd been willing to help her.

Inuyasha was too wrapped up to lend a helping hand. The hanyou yelped. Kagome winced while she taped the remnants of her slashed skirt back together. She kept herself busy, refusing to look up and witness Inuyasha's shame. Her hanyou friend was in a rather sour mood today. "You didn't have to borrow my duct tape or encourage Rin and Shippo to enact your scheme Sesshoumaru-sama", rebuked the Shikon Miko.

The Taiyoukai arched a silver brow. He caught her hand, and dragged his thumb over her knuckles. "You laughed. I did not", he asserted, reminding Kagome of her earlier transgression against the moody hanyou. The Miko blushed. She tried to pull her fingers loose but the Western Lord's grip was firm.

Inuyasha tried to gnaw through the gag between his teeth. He could see his bastard brother making '_eyes_' at Kagome. The pair were getting too cosy. "Mhhmm-Hmmmm!" hissed the hanyou. He nodded, head rocking on his neck, and tried to express his concerns with swift, expressive jabs of his forehead.

Miroku frowned in confusion. "Do you want me to put more wood on the fire?" he queried uncertainly. Inuyasha scowled. He couldn't speak a word but the pious pervert heard him puff and growl. Rin, and Shippo had been so liberal in their play that the hanyou's jaws were plastered shut.

Inuyasha's face was covered from chin to temple in strips of cherry-pink duct tape. The hanyou's eyebrows were glued to his forehead, his nose turned up, and his upper-lip fixed to the underside of his nostrils. He resembled a grumpy, golden-eyed boar with dog-ears, and silver hair. The duct-tape across his teeth wasn't helping either.

"Mmmmm-Hmmm! Hmmm!"

Miroku glanced between Inuyasha and the campfire. The Monk could see Kagome-sama conversing with Sesshoumaru-sama opposite them. She was happy in the Taiyoukai's presence. It would have been rude to interrupt them. The Monk was a pervert but he respected common courtesies.

"Do you want me to clear the ashes from the fire?" prompted Miroku.

Inuyasha scowled. "Mmmmm-Hmmmph!" he snarled, spit bubbling under the waterproof tape clamping his jaws shut.

Miroku smiled, nodded, and misunderstood. "Oh! You want my help to remove this!" The monk reached for the pink strip stuck to the corner of the hanyou's mouth. Miroku's violet eyes twinkled merrily. "Ready?"

"Mmmmph-Hmmmph! _ARRRRGHHHH_!"

Miroku, grinning, flapped the mass of pink duct-tape stuck to his fingers. "There! Now you will feel so much better Inuyasha!"

Kagome winced when her hanyou friend screamed like a banshee.

"_YOU BASTARD MONK_! _YOU ALMOST RIPPED HALF MY FACE OFF_!"

The Western Lord considered his irritable half-brother. Inuyasha's cheeks, chin, and temples were blotchy red. The Taiyoukai's golden eyes drifted upward. The hanyou's forehead was bereft of the fine silver fluff that should have arched over each of his eyes. Sesshoumaru, amused, interceded on Miroku's behalf.

"The Monk offered to aide a needy comrade. You should be grateful little brother".

Miroku laid a hand over his heart. He sighed in relief thankful that someone appreciated his thoughtfulness. "Thank you Sesshoumaru-sama!" The Monk's eyes crinkled when Kagome looked his way. He winked playfully.

The Shikon Miko's cheeks glowed cherry-pink.

"_SHUT UP BASTARD_!" roared Inuyasha. He spied Miroku using his charms on Kagome. The hanyou's dearest friend was blushing. His blood pressure skyrocketed. "GO AND FLIRT WITH SANGO!"

Miroku, startled by Inuyasha's outburst, blinked. "What?"

Inuyasha jabbed a finger at the taijiya returning from a brief sojourn with an armload of firewood. "YOU'RE NOT DEAF YOU PERVERT! GO AND FLIRT WITH SANGO OR I'LL TEAR OUT YOUR SPLEEN AND EAT IT!" The Monk chuckled, rolled to his feet, and made his way over to the wide-eyed taijiya. The hanyou wasn't satisfied until he heard a resounding smack, and saw Miroku's head reel from the blow. "HAH! TAKE THAT YOU PERVERT! YOU'RE NOT MOVING IN ON KAGOME TOO! I ALREADY HAVE ENOUGH TROUBLE KEEPING THE BASTARD AWAY FROM HER!"

Kagome hid a smile. Inuyasha was too busy barking orders, and spouting insults to realise why Sango was staring at him. The Miko shared a conspiratorial look with the Western Lord. The plan had been successful. Rin and Shippo's innocent game, and Miroku's selfless endeavour had shorn every inch of hair off the hanyou's face.

Inuyasha had lost a week's worth of stubble, and his eyebrows too.

It was petty and childish, but after two months of enduring the hanyou's snide remarks and lewd insinuations, Kagome had avenged her honour.

The Lord of the Western Lands praised her. "Well played little Miko".

Kagome brought a finger to her lips indicating the need for silence.

Sesshoumaru smirked. She might have appeared sweet, kind, and innocent but he now knew the truth. The Shikon Miko's fair face concealed a quick, clever, and devious mind.

Word Count: 1029


	5. Keep Precious Things Close

_**How To Annoy A Hanyou by Pyreite**_

Inspired by Riku Ryuu's Random Prompts

**Prompt:** _Cake_

**Warning**: _This chapter contains the use of strong coarse language. Discretion is advised._

**Lesson 5: Keep Precious Things Close**

It was small, perfectly round like a circle, and waxy. Kagome glanced from Inuyasha's scary older brother to the pink bar in his hand. "I believe that these are yours", he declared loud enough for the wagging ears of her friends to hear. "The items floated downstream". The Miko blushed, bowed her head, and lifted a trembling hand.

The Western Lord pressed the cake of soap into her palm. "You should be more careful little Miko. Precious things are best kept close". Kagome gaped when the Taiyoukai passed something else along too. It had two cups, a lacy trim, and a pair of elastic bands. The brassiere was neatly folded on a bed of white silk, and atop it laid a matching pair of lacy briefs.

Inuyasha's face reddened at the thought that his Lordly sibling had managed to snatch Kagome's underwear. "YOU ROTTEN BASTARD!" The furious hanyou advanced, fangs bared, and claws ready. "YOU'RE DEAD MEAT!"

The Taiyoukai was about to get himself torn a new arsehole. Kagome darted to Sesshoumaru's side. She stepped in front of him. "Inuyasha! Stop right there!" The Shikon Miko's silver haired protector stared in astonishment.

Inuyasha's mouth fell open. He jabbed a clawed fingertip at the Lord of the Western Lands. "You're _defending_ him!" Kagome shuffled her feet. She was nervous, embarrassed, and a tad upset. "He _stole_ your under-thingies!"

The Miko flushed to the tips of her ears. "It's called a _brassiere_ you idiot!" She clutched the white silk parcel tight to her chest. "And Sesshoumaru-sama didn't steal them!" corrected Kagome. She'd made the worst mistake of her life.

Freshly scrubbed underwear was best weighed down with rocks, rather than being left to dry on the branches of a tree in windy weather. The Taiyoukai looked on in amusement when his half-brother's face turned purple. The boy had the most perverted imagination. Inuyasha's golden eyes grew round in horror. The downy silver ears atop his head flattened.

The hanyou's mouth opened to growl. Kagome bit her lip. Sesshoumaru took his cue. The Western Lord explained primly. "Her chastity is quite intact little brother".

The Shikon Miko reddened when an ivory silk-clad arm curled round her shoulders. Inuyasha gawked at the sight of his brother being overtly _friendly_. Sesshoumaru, his golden eyes glinting, offered neutrally. "It is courteous to aid a damsel in distress little brother". The hanyou turned green with envy when the Western Lord pecked Kagome on the cheek.

The kiss was chaste, brief, and gracious. The Miko, pleasantly flustered, stared when the Taiyoukai moved away. She was cherry-cheeked and breathless. Inuyasha had a vein pulsing in his temple. He glared while his audacious elder sibling returned to Rin, took the little girl's hand, and guided her to sit down again.

Miroku and Sango were staring too. The Western Lord carried on with his evening routine as if nothing out of the ordinary had occurred. Sesshoumaru indulged Rin while he combed her hair. He ignored the questioning looks of Kagome's travelling companions. "Surely you have more pressing tasks that require your attention", he stated dryly.

Kagome, underwear in hand, was spurred into action. "Yes. Thank you Sesshoumaru-sama. I'll just pack this away". Inuyasha watched her scurry off as if a fire had been lit under her backside. He'd never seen the Miko move so fast. She was soon stuffing the embarrassing parcel of white silk into the very bottom of her enormous yellow backpack.

The hanyou's nose twitched. He could smell the fragrant overtones of saccharine-sweet mortification oozing from Kagome. Inuyasha decided to be merciful on her injured pride. He grimaced, turned, and faced his elder brother. Sesshoumaru met his half-sibling's gaze.

The Lord of the Western Lands arched a silver brow. Inuyasha's expression was sour. The hanyou took a deep fortifying breath. "_Thanks for helping Kagome you smarmy Bastard but don't expect me to bend over and kiss your arse! Next time I'll rip you a new one!_" He clapped his hands afterwards, and walked away, head held high.

The Ward of the Western Lord, little Rin, gasped in wonder. "Inuyasha-sama just thanked you!" She glanced to her venerable protector. Sesshoumaru returned her scrutiny with paternal patience. "Does this mean that Sesshoumaru-sama, and Inuyasha-sama are friends now?"

The camp was eerily quiet. All eyes were on the two brothers. Kagome, red-faced, was casting furtive glances between the siblings too. Inuyasha's lip curled. "I'd sooner kiss Kagura's feathery arse than befriend that snooty Mutt. Don't hold your breath kid".

Rin, ever resilient, clapped her hands and cried happily. "Okay Inuyasha-sama! But Rin thinks that the Wind-Witch would sooner stuff feathers up your nose than kiss you!" The little girl resumed petting Kirara while her adopted parent combed her hair. Kagome, across the campfire, groaned when the hanyou plopped himself down beside her. The Miko's self-appointed guardian resumed his vigilant watch.

Inuyasha had failed twice to prevent the Western Lord from fraternizing with the Shikon Miko. "If I have to draw a line in the sand I will Bastard! Stay away from Kagome!" Sesshoumaru glanced to the source of their constant bickering. The corners of his mouth turned upward.

Kagome blushed and realised one thing. The Taiyoukai was incredibly handsome when he smiled.

Word Count: 871


	6. Truces Are Beneficial

_**How To Annoy A Hanyou by Pyreite**_

_Inspired by Riku Ryuu's Random Prompts_

**Prompt:** _Rose_

**Warning**: _This chapter contains the use of strong coarse language. Discretion is advised._

**Lesson 6: Truces are Beneficial**

She smelt delectably sweet, fresh, and floral. The scent of silky red petals, thorns, and green leaves clung to her hair, skin, and clothes. Kagome nervously bit her lip when all eyes turned towards her. It was intimidating to be surrounded by four youkai, one hanyou, and a lasciviously grinning monk. "Just try to ignore them", advised Sango.

The taijiya valiantly led the Miko through the throng of observers, all male, appreciative, and sticking their noses in the air as they passed. Sango glared when Miroku pursed his lips. The monk's violet eyes glittered mischievously. "Something smells exceptionally lovely today". The cheeky man dodged a kick in the side by shuffling closer to the Lord of the Western Lands.

Sesshoumaru arched a brow when Sango's foot paused mid-strike. She glowered at the pious pervert beside him, annoyed. Miroku had helpfully wedged himself between the Taiyoukai, and his loyal retainer. Jaken didn't welcome the monk's company, or his audaciousness. The Taijiya smirked when the kappa youkai raised the Staff of Two Heads, and cracked Miroku soundly on the noggin.

"_Ow_!" cried the pained, and startled Monk.

Sango grinned when the kappa youkai squealed in outrage.

"You dare to profane my illustrious Lord's presence with your perverted, and lecherous ways!" Jaken struck again. Miroku yelped. "You will not despoil my Lord's immaculate character with your lewdness accursed priest! I, Jaken the Faithful, will safeguard his reputation against such foulness as you!" Miroku raised his hands in supplication when the Western Lord's honourable footman shook the Staff of Two Heads threateningly.

"Get away from my Lord! _Now_!"

Sesshoumaru ignored the quarrel beside him, and flared his nostrils. Kagome blushed when he inhaled deeply, purred like a cat, and groaned in pleasure. The Taiyoukai's eyes were half-lidded; the golden irises glassy, and his cat-like black slit pupils had expanded to near double their size. "My gift served you well".

Kagome's cheeks flamed a lurid cherry pink. Her gaze shifted to Inuyasha. The hanyou's golden eyes blazed. "WHAT GIFT!" he roared, incensed. Sango snorted in exasperation when the Shikon Miko cringed.

Kagome was reluctant to explain the finer details of her most recent bath.

Little Rin darted into the camp carrying two sealed red bottles. "Kagome-sama forgot these!" she cried. The Western Lord's ward, pink-cheeked, and bright-eyed crowed happily. "Rin found them by the hotspring! Rin brought them back! Rin is very helpful!" The sweet-faced, cherubic child in all of her innocence had no idea that the Shikon Miko had intentionally tried to leave the troublesome bottles behind.

Kagome, aware that she was the centre of attention, smiled sheepishly when Rin stopped before her, beamed, and offered the twin bottles. "Here you are Kagome-sama!" The Shikon Miko met the Taiyoukai's gave over Rin's shoulder. She pasted on a fake smile, blushed, and accepted the return of her ill-fated gifts. Rin bounced on her toes, clapped her hands in delight, and chortled at an infuriated Inuyasha.

"Kagome-sama ran out of the nice-smelling bubbly soap that she uses to wash with three days ago! Rin knows how much Kagome-sama likes to be clean so Rin asked Sesshoumaru-sama to help!" The little girl whirled to face her considerate guardian. She favoured the Western Lord with a grateful smile. "Sesshoumaru-sama gave Rin some special bubbly soap! Sesshoumaru-sama said to give it to Kagome-sama as a present! Kagome-sama used them today at the spring, and now she smells like a rose!"

Inuyasha scowled. Sango hid a smile. Miroku rubbed his aching scalp. Sesshoumaru inhaled again. Rin giggled.

Kagome, pink-cheeked with embarrassment, clasped the bottles to her chest. She tried to slip away when the boys, and the girls were distracted. "Ow!" hissed the Shikon Miko. She glanced down and saw her adopted son strangling her leg. The kitsune had his arms wrapped about her calf. His sharp claws where digging into the fabric of her long white socks.

"Shippo! What are you doing!" demanded Kagome.

The kitsune rubbed his cheek on her knee. His nose wrinkled. Shippo smiled dreamily. "You smell wonderful Mama! Like fresh spring flowers!" The Shikon Miko tried to disengage her son's claws without ripping holes in her poor socks.

Kagome froze when hot air ruffled her fringe. She stiffened when the Western Lord's reptilian steed nosed her hair. Ah and Un snuffled inquisitively. The dragon youkai curled its twin necks round the Shikon Miko. She was near knocked off her feet when Ah rumbled in pleasure, and Un rubbed his velvet nose on her shoulder.

"What! Hey! Don't do that! _Ah-Un_!"

Sango tittered in amusement when her self-conscious friend found herself wrapped in the loving coils of a besotted dragon. Ah sighed in contentment, and, Un was happy to burrow into her side like an overgrown puppy. Shippo, his arms and tail wrapped round her leg, continued to cling to the Miko's sock and shoe like a limpet. "Mama smells wonderful!" praised the kitsune.

Kagome, mortified, stared bleakly out from under her Ah-Un's bristly mane. "Sango! _Stop laughing_! This isn't funny!" she squeaked when Ah-Un nearly squished her in his exuberance. "_Someone help me_!" Inuyasha was having difficulties himself in resisting the Miko's intoxicating aroma. His nostrils were twitching, his golden eyes were glazed, and, his canine ears were flattened against his silky silver crown.

Miroku, and Jaken exchanged a puzzled glance, and wondered if Rin had unwittingly slipped the poor Miko a dose of youkai aphrodisiac. Kagome seemed downright irresistible to the canine, and dragon youkai members of their group. The poor teenager was under an assault of gargantuan proportions when the Lord of the Western Lands made a timely intervention. Inuyasha, half-drunk on the scent of roses, unconsciously echoed his elder sibling's guttural rumble. Sesshoumaru inclined his head to the Miko.

His hanyou half-brother nodded in understanding.

Sango, Miroku, and Jaken gawked when the usually antagonistic siblings worked together. Rin clapped her hands, and cried happily. "Inuyasha-sama and Sesshoumaru-sama _are_ friends!" Kagome gaped when Shippo cringed at the pair's authoritative bass and baritone rumbles. The kitsune whined, and his fluffy tail drooped despondently.

Ah and Un had coiled their thick necks' round the Shikon Miko. She was wedged between them, the twin bottles of rosewater and oil clutched awkwardly to her chest. The dragon youkai blinked docilely at the Lord of the Western Lands. Un leaned into the hand that stroked his muzzle, and Ah's hind-leg thumped in bliss when Inuyasha combed clawed fingers through his mane. "Now Miko. Come away from them", instructed Sesshoumaru.

Kagome, realising that the dragon youkai was distracted, slipped out from under their entwined necks. She smiled in relief when Ah-Un didn't immediately try to embrace her again. "Oh! Thank you Inuyasha! Thank you Sesshoumaru-sama!" The Shikon Miko tensed when both brothers turned their gazes upon her. The hanyou grinned from ear to ear, and his elder brother smiled benignly.

"Inuyasha let's talk about this", cautioned Kagome. She gulped when the hanyou advanced from her left. The Lord of the Western Lands converged on her right. The Miko, effectively cut off, started to back away from the intimidating pair. "Now Sesshoumaru-sama, I am very grateful to you and to Rin but I don't think that what you're contemplating is very appropriate right now".

Sesshoumaru called to his ward, and retainer. His golden gaze didn't once leave Kagome. The Miko wondered if it would be worthwhile to run for the Bone Eater's Well. She might make it to the future, and safety if she left right now. "Jaken, secure Ah-Un. Rin comfort the kitsune".

Jaken, though perturbed by his Lord's behaviour, bowed humbly and did his bidding. "Yes my Lord". The kappa youkai caught Ah-Un's bridle. He left furrows in the ground when the dragon surged after the wary Shikon Miko. Ah bugled in distress, and Un took up his call.

"No! You can't have the Miko! Stay put!" commanded Jaken.

Ah-Un's scaly tail wilted. The dragon youkai sank to the ground, upset, and his twin heads curled round the kappa youkai, seeking comfort. "Silly beast!" chastised Jaken. He patted Ah's nose, and smoothed Un's bristly mane. "Fussing over humans will just get you into trouble! Rin is enough worry for us both! There is no need to add that confounded Miko into it too!"

Rin giggled, and caught Shippo by the tail when the kitsune tried to dart after his fleeing mother. "No Shippo! You can't go over yet! Sesshoumaru-sama will growl! You must stay here with Rin!"

Shippo whined unhappily. Rin patted his head. "It's all right Shippo! We can play games!" she soothed. The kitsune's tail wagged. The Western Lord's ward laughed when Shippo dragged her round in a game of chase.

Kagome, realising that she was the rabbit, whirled and made for the trees. Sango fell into Miroku's arms, pointed, and laughed when her friend tried and failed to escape. "Miroku! Look! It's utterly ridiculous! She can't outrun a hanyou, and a Taiyoukai at the same time! She's too slow!" The taijiya chortled when her pious admirer slipped a hand down her thigh, round her hip, and lower. She was too amused to notice when the Monk squeezed her plump posterior.

"Mama!" laughed Shippo. He giggled along with Rin when the Shikon Miko was caught between two affectionate dogs.

Kagome blushed to the tips of her ears. Inuyasha was snuggled against her right side, and his arms were laced round her waist. She tried to wriggle free. The hanyou growled warningly. "_Inuyasha_! _Let go of me_!"

The Western Lord echoed his half-sibling's guttural protest. He was snuggled against her left side, and his one arm curved round her back. The Taiyoukai rubbed soothing circles up and down her spine. "_Sesshoumaru-sama_!" protested the Shikon Miko. She pushed ineffectually against his chest.

"This once can we share little brother?" asked Sesshoumaru. Kagome blushed when he whined like a puppy, the sound plaintive, and pleading. Her eyes grew round and wide when he suggested '_sharing_'. The Miko turned to Inuyasha. She studied his face.

The hanyou, usually defensive, should have warned his brother off. Kagome gasped when her dearest friend nodded. "I suppose we can do that this once. She'll just get herself into trouble if we leave her unguarded. Better you than that bastard Wolf-Turd. I'd rip Kouga's tail off if he showed up now". The Miko couldn't believe what she'd heard. Inuyasha was willing to share her time, and attention with the Lord of the Western Lands.

"Don't I get a say in this!"

The hanyou shook his head. "Nope".

"_Inuyasha_!"

Sesshoumaru licked her cheek. Kagome blushed. "_Sesshoumaru-sama_!"

"Oi! Keep it clean Bastard!"

The Western Lord's golden eyes glinted. The Shikon Miko shivered when he murmured in her ear. "You smell, and taste like a rose". Kagome's blush darkened from pink to scarlet when Inuyasha mirrored his brother's actions. The hanyou licked her cheek, and pressed his nose into her hair.

"He's right. You smell and taste really good".

Kagome heard Sango's wheezing laughter. The taijiya, red-faced, was panting from her seat in Miroku's lap. The monk had forgiven her earlier assault on his pride. Miroku waggled his eyebrows. "You are sweet, and lovely like the proverbial flower Kagome-sama. I would suggest that in future you do not use the rosewater, and roseoil so liberally. The fragrance seems to have the same effect on dragon and canine youkai as catnip does on Kirara".

"_Miroku_!" sniped the Shikon Miko. She glared at the smug Monk. He was content to watch her suffer. Sango was too busy guffawing to lend a helping hand. Kagome, sandwiched between Inuyasha, and, Sesshoumaru, rolled her eyes.

She relented and let the two dogs fawn, and fuss. Her acceptance earned agreeable rumbles from both brothers. Kagome set the ground rules before the boys went crazy. "No groping! No kissing! No pinching, clawing, or ripping my clothes! No wiggling your claws under my skirt or blouse either! Keep your hands where I can see them!" The Shikon Miko hissed in annoyance when Inuyasha, and Sesshoumaru gave each of her cheeks a rough, and wet doggy kiss.

"Hey! _I said no kissing_!"

"You see little brother", declared the Western Lord. "Truces can be beneficial".

Inuyasha met the Taiyoukai's gaze. He snorted, and nuzzled Kagome's ear. "For today Bastard. Don't get used to it. I still think you're an asshole".

Sesshoumaru chuckled. "I think you are an uncouth, amoral, and flea-bitten cur".

The hanyou smirked and offered a clawed hand behind the Miko's back. He clasped his elder brother's wrist, and shook firmly. "Glad we agree on something".

"Indeed, and now let us bask in the Miko's affections".

Inuyasha rubbed his cheek on Kagome's shoulder. "Yeah", he said dreamily. "That's a good idea".

The Shikon Miko sighed. "This is going to be a long day".

Sesshoumaru buried his face in her hair. He curled against her back like an overgrown feline.

Kagome groaned. "And a long night too".

The taijiya was still laughing.

"_Shut up Sango_!"

Word Count: 2159


	7. Some Treasures Are Worth Protecting

_**How To Annoy A Hanyou by Pyreite**_

**Inspired by Riku Ryuu's Random Prompts**

**Prompt:** _Music_

**Warning**: _This chapter contains the use of strong coarse language. Discretion is advised._

**Lesson 7: Some Treasures Are Worth Protecting**

Kagome wondered how something so mortifying could be so comfortable. She had spent a long day sandwiched between Inuyasha, and the Lord of the Western Lands. The two brothers, silver-haired and affectionate, now surrounded her in a circle of softness, familiarity, and protection. It was late evening and the fire had burned down low. The Shikon Miko glanced across the camp to her ever-vigilant friend.

Sango was bundled in a warm autumn cloak, stirring the embers, and adding dry wood to the campfire. The sticks caught alight, the flames crackled pleasantly, and she grinned all white teeth and amusement when Kagome tried to wriggle out from under her nest of fur, fabric, and appreciative youkai. "That wouldn't be wise", commented Sango when the Western Lord growled. "You'd best stay where you are. You wouldn't want to offend Sesshoumaru-sama".

The teenager sighed when the warm weight of a clawed hand stroked her hair. "You are uncomfortable", observed the Taiyoukai. He was the epitome of politeness expressing nothing but tender concern for his newest charge. Kagome resigned herself to the inevitable fate of being fawned, and fussed over for as long as she oozed the flowery scent of roses from her very pores.

"No Sesshoumaru-sama. I'm fine really".

Inuyasha, golden-eyed and watchful, snorted at the obvious lie. "You should be used to being the centre of attention". Kagome fidgeted, and tried to make herself small, and inconspicuous. The hanyou shared a look with his esteemed elder brother. The two siblings, eldest and youngest, shared a single understanding nod.

Kagome Higurashi, the Shikon Miko extraordinaire, was _embarrassed_.

Sango smiled fondly at the sight of her friend, uncertain, and unhappy about the sudden change between the usually feuding brothers. Inuyasha, and the haughty inuyoukai Lord of the Western Lands, had been civil towards one another for most of the day. The taijiya saw the anxiety etched into the furrowed lines of Kagome's brow and the unhappy downturn of her mouth. The poor Miko, ever kind and considerate, was _pouting_.

"Do you really miss the glares, the growls, and the posturing?" the taijiya asked curiously. She was certain that Kagome actually enjoyed the staccato beat and hectic rhythm of Inuyasha's and Sesshoumaru's aggressive dance of rivals. The boys certainly showered her with enough attention to make an ordinary girl blush, stammer, and turn red round the ears. Sango persisted when her gentle if oblivious friend stared at her like a startled rabbit. "Haven't you noticed that your admirers have been on their best behaviour since you smelt like a rose? Sure, it probably grates on your nerves to be treated like a treasure Kagome, but given that you have two handsome boys slobbering over you like puppies. Why not just enjoy the dance of desire, the music of enticement, and revel in all of that wonderful adoration?"

Sango smirked when her flustered friend spied Miroku returning to their camp with an armload of firewood. The monk had perfect timing. "Oh. I might slap him on occasion Kagome, but in all honesty, I do appreciate his finer qualities". She waggled her eyebrows when Miroku, taken aback, gawked at her. "Lost for words? That's unusual for you my naughty, pious, and perverted pet! Not to worry. We shall resume the frenetic pace of temptation, rejection, and reproach in the morning. Right now, thank you for being so thoughtful".

Miroku smiled sheepishly when the lovely object of his infatuation rolled to her feet, waltzed over, and kissed his cheek in full view of their mutual friends. She took the firewood, presented her backside, and winked at Kagome when the monk couldn't resist the opportunity to indulge. "I don't mind all of the time". Sango wiggled her posterior invitingly and laughed when Miroku patted the shapely curves of her bottom.

The taijiya resumed her seat beside the fire, set the wood aside, and beckoned Miroku to sit beside her. The monk preened, took his seat, and glanced dreamily across the fire. He sighed happily, curled into Sango's side, and laid his head upon her shoulder. The ideology of a woman exercising such power and influence over a capable, strong, and intelligent man perturbed Inuyasha and the Western Lord. The brothers glanced between themselves, turned to Kagome, and cleared their throats with soft yet audible rumbles of barely concealed disgust.

Inuyasha's nose wrinkled in disdain. His silver brows furrowed and he wondered how he'd been reduced from the independent, self-assured, wanderer-type to being Kagome's pet poodle. Had he lost his lean, mean, and scary manliness factor in one afternoon? He eyed his brother, saw that the Taiyoukai had a similar dilemma, and wondered aloud. "Sango has a point Bastard. We haven't argued since noon. I know that we have a truce but do we really have to act like gelded eunuchs?" The hanyou's golden-eyed gaze focused upon Kagome, he winced when she glared, and offered a brusque reprimand when he smelt the sharp and clean scent of her bristling purification powers.

"Kagome! _Suck it in_! You unleash a tide of that stuff and you'll fry the Bastard and the Brat!" Inuyasha nodded to the bundle of fur tucked into the folds of her sleeping-bag. Shippo's round face was pillowed upon his glistening foxtail, his eyes were closed, and his chest rose and fell in the relaxed rhythm of a quiet and contented slumber. The hanyou frowned when the Shikon Miko shrank back into his elder brother's luxuriantly soft pelt. He bared his teeth when Sesshoumaru allowed her to lean closer seeking comfort like a lost kitten.

The sight of Kagome, so small, helpless, and showing a preference for the Lord of the Western Lands infuriated Inuyasha. He slid an arm round his friend's shoulders, pulled her solidly against him, and curled his taloned fingers into her hair. He glowered at his brother, growled like a territorial dog, and assumed the role of comforting the red-faced priestess. "I-Inuyasha?" stammered the fumbling, clueless, and haphazard Shikon Miko. The hanyou pressed her temple into the crook of his neck and shoulder and proceeded to pet her hair in a gentle, reassuring, and soothing manner.

"You're always whining that I don't pay enough attention to you. Take Sango's advice and enjoy it". Inuyasha's face softened when Kagome smiled into his collarbone. She snuggled into his side, fisted her hands into the thread of his robe, and sighed contentedly. The hanyou's golden eyes narrowed when Sesshoumaru's shadow loomed over them. "Back off Bastard. She's happy. Don't spoil it".

Inuyasha scowled when he suddenly found his lap full of a sleepy fur-swathed bundle. Kagome giggled. The hanyou growled. Rin, cherubic and comfortable, rubbed her cheek upon Inuyasha's red-robed chest. "_I'm not a babysitter_!"

Sesshoumaru stroked a taloned finger over Rin's silky fringe. He arched a silver-brow when his brother protested. "You are the younger sibling, the baby of our family, and you are sitting upon the ground. I am the eldest and I request that you watch over my ward". Inuyasha's canine ears flattened against his silver crown. He bared his teeth, growled, and accepted the opportunity to look after Rin when Kagome bubbled appreciatively.

"_You're so thoughtful Inuyasha_!"

The hanyou's ire cooled. The corners of his mouth turned upward in quiet satisfaction. Kagome was favouring him this time round. Inuyasha nodded to his lordly sibling. "Fine. I'll watch the squirt. You off to hunt again?"

Sesshoumaru, tall and regal, glanced across the campfire to Sango, Miroku, and the sleeping kitsune. He found the oddity of their group fascinating and disturbing. The demon-slayer, the perverted monk, and the fox-youkai had overcome the innate fear and superstition that humans and youkai held for one another. The dichotomy of good and evil did not apply to their easy camaraderie, tolerance of difference, and acceptance of the peculiar and often bizarre nature of Shippo's kitsune magic. The taijiya and her pious if perverted admirer were a glimpse into the union that had produced his hanyou half-brother.

Perhaps their father, the Great Dog General, had been wiser than Sesshoumaru had given him credit for. "Indeed. We have unwanted guests. I will deal with them". The Western Lord pressed a finger to Kagome's lips when she tried to speak. He shushed her with a softly spoken promise. "My brother and I are rivals likely to argue, fight, and contend with one another but we also share an understanding. Some treasures in this world are worth protecting little Miko. We count you, Rin, and your motley group of misfits among them".

Kagome gaped at the Taiyoukai, round-eyed and astonished.

Inuyasha flapped his hand impatiently. "_Go kill stuff_".

Sesshoumaru shared one last look with his irascible younger sibling. "Keep them safe".

The hanyou nodded. "I will".

Sango, Miroku, and Kagome stared when the Lord of the Western Lands disappeared in a blur of silver. They considered Inuyasha and wondered if the hanyou had lost his mind. He was willing to work in concert with his archrival to the betterment of the group's welfare and wellbeing. Inuyasha arched his silver brows when the unmistakable if muffled cacophony of roars, shrieks, and the thunderous strike of steel on bone rang in the distance. "What? Every now and then, an inuyoukai just needs to eviscerate things. The hunting instinct is stronger in purebloods like the Bastard than in halfbreeds like me. He needs to vent so who else is better to relieve the tension than a bunch of addle-brained morons after the Shikon shards?"

"Inuyasha!" rebuked Kagome.

The hanyou nuzzled her cheek. She reddened. "You're not helpless Kagome, but, you're still human. Leave the heavy lifting to me and the Bastard". He chuckled when she swatted his chest. "Stop acting like the wounded party. You're not going to drown in youkai guts for a change".

"_Inuyasha_!"

**Word Count:** 1633


	8. Friendship Is A Good Start

_**How To Annoy A Hanyou by Pyreite**_

_Inspired by Riku Ryuu's Random Prompts_

**Prompt:** _Books_

**Warning**: _This chapter contains the use of strong coarse language, a little damage to Miroku's masculine pride, and mild flirtation. Discretion is advised._

**Lesson 8: Friendship Is A Good Start**

Sesshoumaru watched the Shikon Miko read. The fat tome was bound with something dense, hard, and compact like bamboo but the cover appeared to have the consistency of very thick and stiff paper. He was suspicious when Kagome scratched her head, frowned, and turned a thin page that gleamed like satin in the morning light. The Lord of the Western Lands had never seen such a fine example of craftsmanship outside of youkai manufacture and he itched to reach over and pull the book out from under the studious Miko's cherubic nose. She had been enthralled for an hour, sitting there in the shade of the trees, reading as if nothing else existed in the world save what was printed on those silky pages.

It was surprising that the rest of her makeshift band of worldly saviours took little to no interest in her activities. Sesshoumaru considered his half-brother. The usually boisterous hanyou was picking leaves, twigs, and bugs out of his long hair and running clawed fingers through until the slick strands gleamed moon-silver. Inuyasha, mindful that he had an audience, arched his brows and stared at his nosy spectator. "What are you looking at Bastard?"

The Western Lord wondered how he could articulate his curiosity without rousing the hanyou's innate protective instincts. Inuyasha was territorial when Sesshoumaru expressed the slightest interest in the generally sweet, shy, and compassionate member of their motley group of misfits. Kagome Higurashi, the famed Shikon Miko apparently inspired loyalty, love, and admiration in her friends and followers. The Taiyoukai felt the sudden prickle of awareness in the back of his mind, the twinge of intuition that often warned him of an impending attack. He glanced to the left, arched a silver brow, and found that the monk, the taijiya, and the kitsune were watching him too.

"_You better not try to kiss my Mama again_!" growled Shippo. The tiny fox-youkai's eyes glinted like shards of hard, sharp, and unforgiving jade. His nose wrinkled petulantly when Kagome frowned and tried to ignore the boy's loud accusations. Sesshoumaru tried not to smirk at the implication that he was about to corrupt the pleasantly naïve Shikon Miko with a few affectionate nips of his fangs, a little fond tapping of his tongue, and the sinful brush of his lips upon hers. "_Inuyasha_!" shrieked the upset kitsune. "_He's got that dirty look on his face_! _You know_! _The one that Miroku gets when he spies on Sango in the hot-springs_!"

"_Shippo_!" hissed the scandalized monk. He tensed when Sango raised her hand and he swallowed nervously when her fingers curled into her palm. She advanced upon him scowling, her cheeks aflame, and Miroku backed up hastily raising his hands to ward off a barrage of bare-fisted bludgeoning. "Now Sango. You know that I appreciate the feminine form, especially yours when gloriously naked, so I can understand that my spying could be interpreted as a gross breach of your personal privacy". Miroku winced when he heard the audible crack of the taijiya's knuckles.

Sango was red-faced, furious, and seconds from ploughing her fist into his face. The monk sucked in a breath and offered her a simple, concise, and frank explanation. "You have a beautiful bosom, long muscular legs, a bottom like two halves of a ripe peach, and the most wonderfully wide childbearing hips that I have ever seen". Miroku decided in that instant that if he was going to sport a broken nose, fractured jaw, and possibly several splintered ribs than Sango would know why he found her so alluring. "You're gorgeous from head to toe and I am a red-blooded man that cannot help but be utterly besotted with your strength, beauty, and fiercely independent spirit".

Miroku imagined that the muscles in Sango's shoulder bunched and coiled like a serpent preparing to strike. He watched her arm swing down, whispered a prayer, and waited for the inevitable blow to his pride and ego. He was surprised when the taijiya jumped at the strident bang of the hardboard covers of Kagome's thick textbook suddenly coming together. The sound caused Sango to trip clumsily over her own two feet as she overbalanced and her fist flew wide of the mark, shearing like a blade through the ebony strands of Miroku's ponytail. The roll of good fortune astonished the monk, he still had his pretty face, and Sango, bless her vengeful heart, was wobbling like a newborn fawn, all gangly legs and unsteady feet.

Miroku, ever daring, dashing, and gallant hooked his arms round Sango's middle when she nearly fell flat on her face. Kagome glared at the two noisy would-be paramours. "_Be quiet_!" The taijiya wriggled impatiently when her pious admirer's hands gripped her hips before slyly slithering south over the tops of her thighs. Sango's lip curled, her teeth flashed white in the sun, and her tongue was ready to deliver a scalding tirade.

"_Shush_!" barked the Shikon Miko.

Sesshoumaru avidly watched the spectacle. The capable demon-slayer, a warrior through and through, was being scolded like an errant child. Her mouth gaped wide like a fish out of water, and her eyes grew round with astonishment. Miroku was gawking too. The usually shy and quiet priestess apparently didn't raise her voice very often though from what the Western Lord could see, when Kagome did lose her temper, the effect upon her friends was immediate.

Shippo ducked his head, hunched over, and nervously groomed the thick fur of his foxtail. Inuyasha shifted Tetsusaiga's sheath into his lap, grasped the hilt, and eased the blade up and out. The hanyou surreptitiously checked the rusted steel for imagined imperfections. Miroku winced when Sango (having regained her footing) mechanically peeled his hands from her legs one finger at a time. The monk was down to a single thumb when the she palmed his crotch, squeezed hard enough to make him gasp, and swiftly elbowed him in the gut.

Kagome rolled her eyes when Miroku doubled over wheezing. Sango's head was high and she trotted away, hips swaying, uncaring if the poor monk had crushed testicles and a bruised phallus. The Shikon Miko clucked her tongue disapprovingly. "Was that _really_ necessary?" Sango snorted dismissively, gathered Hiraikotsu into her arms, and proceeded to ignore her friend in favour of testing that the boomerang's leather bindings were secure.

"_I'm never going to get any study done if you all keep making so much noise_!" complained Kagome. Sesshoumaru watched her look around the camp. The Miko's eyes drifted from face to face and person to person. Her gaze was silent, reproving, and annoyed enough to make each of her friends squirm on the spot. The Taiyoukai was amused when his usually irascible younger brother fiddled with Tetsusaiga's hilt and sheath. Inuyasha seemed to wilt under the scalding heat of Kagome's accusatory glare.

Sesshoumaru was astonished when his little brother didn't yell, scream, or shriek in defiance. The hanyou mumbled an apology. "Sorry Kagome. I know how important your reading is. I'll keep the racket down". The Western Lord marvelled on the Miko's power and influence over her friends when one after another they followed Inuyasha's example. Shippo was next, Miroku, and Sango too, each remorseful, apologetic, and considerate of Kagome's need for concentration.

"Sorry Mama", whispered Shippo.

Miroku groaned and gingerly folded his legs beneath him. "I am sorry for disturbing your morning studies Kagome-sama".

Sango brushed down Hiraikotsu's bony surface with a stiff bristled-brush. She sighed and said contritely. "Sorry Kagome".

The Shikon Miko's anger softened. She clasped her thick textbook to her chest, tucked her feet under, and pushed up on her toes to stand. "I know that it's a pain to sit still and be quiet for a little while every morning but I need to make the most of the time that I have". Kagome regarded Sesshoumaru as he sat in the shade of an enormous wild peach-tree. She was having trouble understanding the more advanced forms of algebra, mathematics being her most difficult subject, and none of her Feudal Era friends had so far been able to grasp the idea of using letters to represent numbers.

Kagome was frustrated by the horribly complex equations. She considered the archaic Taiyoukai for a few moments, drummed her fingers on the cover of her fat textbook, and wandered over to Inuyasha's scary elder brother. The hanyou gaped when his dearest friend voluntarily took a seat beside Sesshoumaru. "Kagome! That Bastard can't help you with that!" He scowled when the Miko pressed a finger to her lips.

"_Shhhh_!"

"But Kagome!" whined Inuyasha.

The Shikon Miko bared her teeth and hissed at him. "_Shush_!"

Inuyasha grumbled to himself when Kagome politely asked his Lordly sibling for help and advice. "Sesshoumaru-sama. Would you mind helping me? I know that you've probably got better things to do than worry about arithmetic equations but I could really use a fresh pair of eyes on this stuff. It's very confusing". The hanyou stared when his brother nodded once and allowed the Miko to open her book. Kagome spread the heavy tome between them until one hardboard cover rested in each of their laps. "You see here Sesshoumaru-sama. The idea is that the letter 'X' represents the number three, a substitution I think, to make the equations a little less complicated".

The Lord of the Western Lands was stunned that the wondrously thick tome that he'd seen the Miko read was in fact a book filled with numbers. He read the odd letters, shapes, and symbols cleanly printed upon the page without a single smudge of ink, the uneven scratching of a quill, or the smearing of a brush-stroke. The pages were pristine and free of the yellowing that often stained aging rice-paper scrolls too. "Amazing", declared Sesshoumaru. He flipped the cover up and peered along the textbook's spine. "The paper is neither bound with twine nor punctured but glued. Ingenious".

Kagome gasped when the Taiyoukai's clawed thumb nearly sliced through the cover. "_Don't_!" She seized his wrist, unwittingly interlacing their fingers, and roughly pulled his hand up and away from the poor defenceless book. The tome had survived being an impromptu umbrella in the rain, numerous clumsy drops, and Buyo's enthusiastic clawing. The Shikon Miko doubted that the precious textbook could withstand the nicks and scratches of Sesshoumaru's razor-sharp youkai talons.

The Western Lord gently gripped Kagome's hand, turned her wrist, and stroked a calloused thumb over her silky palm. He was pleasantly distracted. "So warm and soft", he stated with genuine surprise. Sesshoumaru hadn't noticed the lack of calluses before now. He stroked the underside of her fingers and wondered on the oddity of how easily the slender digits had threaded through his own.

"You have beautiful hands little Miko".

Kagome blushed. Inuyasha growled. Miroku grinned. Sango smiled. Shippo squealed in outrage.

"_Inuyasha_! _He's got that look in his eye again_! _You know_! _The one that Sango gets when she wants to kiss Miroku_!"

"_Shippo_!" hissed the scandalized taijiya. She glowered when the monk grinned cockily and waggled his eyebrows. Sango readjusted Hiraikotsu's leather bindings and chose to ignore Miroku. He was incorrigible, especially when a certain naughty little kitsune with big eyes and ears, always managed to see, hear, and interpret every dirty little secret that was on everyone's minds. "You're not as irresistible as you think you are", declared Sango.

The monk smirked. "Says the woman who wants to kiss me".

"_Shut up_!"

Kagome was red-faced and panting when Inuyasha griped. "_You better not be thinking about swapping spit with that Bastard_!" She glanced between the fuming hanyou and the inuyoukai sitting beside her. Sesshoumaru had the oddest expression upon his face. His silver brows were furrowed and his golden eyes were fixated upon something just above her chin.

"Sesshoumaru-sama?" the Shikon Miko asked warily. "Are you all right?"

The Lord of the Western Lands looked away from the soft bow of Kagome's lower-lip to the tip of her nose and upward until he guiltily met her gaze. He blinked rapidly as if coming out of a daze. "I am well little Miko. You had difficulty with this equation?" He let the textbook slide flat across his knee again. "If you would explain the context than perhaps we can work out an answer. Together".

Kagome tugged upon his wrist. Sesshoumaru looked up and over the open book to their still entwined fingers. He cleared his throat with a husky cough when the Shikon Miko voiced insistently. "Can I please have my hand back now? It would be easier to write if I could hold a pencil". The Taiyoukai released her hand, although it seemed to Kagome, that he was slow and almost hesitant to let go.

"Thank you Sesshoumaru-sama", the Miko mumbled awkwardly. She was painfully aware of Inuyasha's and Shippo's angry glares. She fished in the pocket of her blouse for a small note-pad, plucked the pencil out from behind her ear, and started to scribble notes onto the blank paper. Kagome slipped the pad atop the page that the Taiyoukai was reading. She tapped the scrawled message with the tip of a curved nail.

Sesshoumaru frowned when he read the message, although, the note underneath it made his eyes widen considerably.

_**I'm sorry for Inuyasha and Shippo making such silly accusations. They're protective of me. Please don't hold it against them. They mean well even if they do act like jealous little boys sometimes.**_

_**In addition, if I ever had to kiss a youkai. I'd choose you and not just because my favourite colour is magenta, or because I think that your stripes are very handsome. **_

_**You've proven that you can be kind, considerate, and gentle Sesshoumaru-sama, especially around Rin. **_

_**I've come to trust you and I'd like to think that we're friends too.**_

"Friendship would be a good start".

Kagome's brows furrowed. She frowned confusedly. "A start to what Sesshoumaru-sama?"

The Western Lord moved the notepad clear of the page. He indicated the terrible algebraic equation that had caused her difficulty. "One thing at a time little Miko. Now explain the significance of this to me. We can work backwards from there".

**Word Count:** 2360


	9. The Shikon Miko Is Not Defenceless

_**How To Annoy A Hanyou by Pyreite**_

Inspired by Riku Ryuu's Random Prompts

**Prompt:** _Lamp_

**Warning**: _Contains strong coarse language. Discretion is advised._

**Lesson 9: The Shikon Miko Is Not Defenceless**

The day was overcast, wet, and terribly cold. Kagome shivered underneath the sodden folds of her paper parasol. The paper, its beautifully inked decorations, and the neatly woven bamboo were ruined. Kagome looked down upon Rin. The little girl was a pleasantly warm bundle in her lap, asleep, and enfolded in the thick waterproof ruff of Sesshoumaru-sama's ivory pelt.

Kagome sneezed when the rain dribbled down the back of her neck. She had wedged herself into the relatively damp but dry crack inside the gnarled trunk of an ancient tree. The gap, barely wide enough for her shoulders, at least kept the wind off of her back. The floor was a bed of leaf litter, strips of bark, and twigs that poked and scratched her bare legs. Kagome tolerated the discomfort.

Rin was safe and warm. Nothing else mattered. She would wait until Sesshoumaru-sama returned. The brief sojourn into the woods to gather a basketful of wild summer fruits and flowers for his ward had been cut short. Naraku's minions had struck with murderous intent.

Kagome was all too aware of their vulnerability. She and Rin were alone, surrounded by an unfamiliar forest, and stuck in the middle of a rainstorm. The deluge had eased in the past hour, but any sign of their scent, and spoor had already been washed away. Poor Sesshoumaru-sama, even with his astoundingly well-developed sense of smell, would be unable to track them. He'd have to rely in his eyes and ears, a bewildering handicap for an inuyoukai used to relying on his nose.

Kagome petted Rin's hair, drew the pathetically drooping lip of her parasol down tight over her head, and prayed to the Kami that they would not be discovered. She was not a warrior like Sango, nor skilled in the discipline of holy-magic like Miroku. Kagome knew her limitations. She had remained hidden for most of the afternoon, hoping against hope that help would spontaneously materialise. Sesshoumaru-sama had gone with Inuyasha and her friends to confront Naraku's latest band of mischief-makers. Kagome had done her very best to keep herself and Rin out of harm's way.

"Sesshoumaru-sama, where are you?" whispered the frightened Shikon Miko. She took a deep fortifying breath, mastered her courage, and gritted her teeth. She was so focused on maintaining a sense of self-discipline that she failed to notice the shadow that fell over her in a pool of liquid darkness. Kagome gasped when the soaked parasol, held like a shield against the rain, was suddenly torn open. Her reaction was more instinctual than conscious.

The wall of sparkling pink light crackled into existence like a spark set to tinder. Kagome heard the startled grunt, saw a flare of white, and spotted a singed youkai cradling his scorched fingers. The barrier of holy-power, enclosing her and Rin from crown to heel, had burned an unfortunate wolf-youkai. Kagome recognized the disgruntled face, the thick black ponytail, and the swathes of rugged brown fur. She winced when the Wolf Prince sulkily bared his fangs.

"You burned me!"

Kagome surprised herself when she snarled at the wounded wolf-youkai. "_You surprised me_! _How was I to know that you weren't one of Naraku's minions_! _Don't you dare growl at me for protecting myself_,_ Kouga_!" She knew better than to trust what her eyes could see. Kagome instinctually extended her spiritual senses, probed expertly, and felt the innate tug of the twin shards embedded inside the wolf-youkai's calves. She sighed when Kouga groaned in discomfort.

Kagome's tenuous connection with the shards of the fractured Shikon jewel often had debilitating effects for those that bore the shards inside their bodies. She sympathised when Kouga's face turned purple. He fought to hold down the bile threatening to erupt from his mouth. Wolves only regurgitated food to feed their infant pups. Meat was too precious a commodity to waste, even over an upset stomach.

Kouga swallowed with some difficulty. Kagome watched the bulge of his throat lessen as he gulped the blood, bone, and bile back down again. His grimace of disgust reminded her of Buyo coughing up a hairball. Her cat detested vomiting too. Kagome apologised but insisted that her actions had been necessary.

"I'm sorry, Kouga. I know you hate it when I '_feel_' for the shards, but I had to confirm that you were really _you_ and not an imposter. Kagura knows too many spells and illusions. You could as easily have been her as Naraku himself. I won't gamble with my life or Rin's".

Kagome ignored Kouga's baleful glare. His eyes, blue like the sea, glinted icily as he took notice of her apparent lack of trust. The glittering pink barrier of her spiritual aura remained intact. Kagome had not, despite verifying his identity, dispelled her primary source of defence. She remained fully contained inside the shelter of her spiritual power.

"You're my friend, Kouga, but I can't take the risk. My duty and Rin are too important".

Kagome steeled herself for the inevitable backlash of Kouga's temper, but another voice interceded before the insulted wolf-youkai could vent his frustrations.

"I am thankful for your caution, little Miko".

Kagome was too distracted by Sesshoumaru's arrival to notice Kouga's scrutiny. She sighed in relief when she spotted the silver-haired inuyoukai Lord. She was doubly relieved when he brought a throng of familiar faces with him too. Kagome radiated happiness when a bloodied Inuyasha rapped his knuckles on the shimmering barrier safeguarding her and Rin. She immediately dispelled the shell of holy-power, beamed at her friend, and sighed in relief when she heard his gruff declaration.

"Naraku's been beaten back for another day, Kagome. You're safe, the bastard's brat is safe, and you've finally scorched old Wolf-Turd. My day couldn't get any better".

Kagome grasped the hanyou's bloody sleeve. She sought his hand amidst the voluminous folds of fire-rat fur and leather. She found his clawed fingers, clasped his palm in her own, and squeezed with all of her might. The answering pressure of his calloused fingers, closing round her own, made Kagome smile gratefully. The battle had been won, her friends were safe again, and just like every other day she would spend the rest of the afternoon dispensing medicine and bandaging hurts.

"Thank you, Inuyasha", replied Kagome.

The hanyou flashed his ivory fangs in a pleased if tired grin. He cast his half-brother a glance, preened like a cockerel, and intentionally ignored Kouga. He was going to milk this opportunity for all it was worth. Inuyasha shouldered the gleaming blade of Tetsusaiga, bent his knee, and dropped a kiss onto Kagome's crown. He peered over the top of her head at Kouga and chuckled when his rival's face turned red with rage.

The day was miserable, the afternoon grey and wet, but Kouga glowed like a newly lit lamp. The wolf-youkai exuded hostility. Inuyasha glanced to Sesshoumaru, nodded invitingly, and waggled his silver brows. The Lord of the Western Lands took the hint. He knelt beside Kagome and made a show of fussing over her and the still slumbering Rin.

"You did well in protecting yourself and my ward. I thank you, Kagome".

The Shikon Miko reddened when a second kiss was pressed to her brow. She wondered what the two were up too now until she spied Kouga's thunderous expression. He looked ready to rip Inuyasha's ears off the top of his head, but apparently he knew better than to attack Sesshoumaru. The wolf-youkai's glare was poisonous, though he kept his claws sheathed, and his anger under control. Kagome groaned when she heard Sango guffaw, Miroku laugh, and Shippo titter gleefully at Kouga's expense.

Sesshoumaru's eyes twinkled merrily. He bent low, whispered into Kagome's ear, and offered her a piece of advice. "My brother and I are rivals, certainly, but we can overcome our differences in order to present a united defence against a common foe". He nodded to the silently fuming Kouga. "You will not be alone in his presence again, little Miko".

Kagome took the news surprisingly well. She smiled beatifically, clasped the Western Lord's hand, and squeezed. She looked between him and his hanyou brother, nodded in agreement, and replied candidly. "Thank you, Sesshoumaru-sama. Thank you, Inuyasha. I'm happy with that arrangement". Kagome giggled when her long-time hanyou friend shared a confused look with his youkai Lordling half-brother.

"She's being agreeable. You think she knocked herself in the head?" suggested Inuyasha.

Sesshoumaru seemed to consider the hanyou's verdict. His golden eyes scrutinised Kagome's face. He laid a taloned hand across her forehead. His fingertips kneaded her scalp, searching for a temperature, bruising, and a bump that was a sure sign of concussion. He ignored Kagome's rolling eyes.

"She bears no sign of physical injury. Perhaps the abnormality in her behaviour has been caused by some human frailty. She has been exposed to the elements for several hours. It would be prudent to seek proper lodgings, make a fire, and to provide her with adequate sustenance. Rin's mood usually improves after a hot meal".

Kagome scowled when Inuyasha nodded in agreement and spouted orders.

"Sounds like a reasonable plan, Bastard. Hey! Wolf-Turd, quit crying over your singed paws, and do something useful like fetching firewood. Miroku, find a dry place to set-up camp. Shippo, stop laughing out of the side of your face, and dig a pit for the fire. Sango, prepare the tents. We'll set camp after I've washed the guts out of my hair".

Kagome huffed indignantly when her ruined parasol was plucked from her fingers. She glared when Sango dropped the damp hood of a furry cape over her shoulders. The taijiya winked, patted her shoulder, and laughed as she walked away with the remnants of her ruined parasol. The way that Miroku smiled as he bent to his task, and Shippo scurried to do Inuyasha's bidding without a word of protest, made Kagome suspicious. She looked up, reddened when she found herself nose to nose with Sesshoumaru, and posed a question.

"Why are they so happy?"

The wise Lord of the Western Lands inclined his head towards the sullen Kouga. Kagome followed his gaze. She noted the way the wolf-youkai cradled his badly singed hands. His fingers were black from talon to wrist. Kagome regretted hurting him despite Sesshoumaru's reassurances.

"You could not have been certain if he was friend or foe. Shikon shards aside, little Miko, the wolfling is just as dangerous as Naraku himself. He would take more from you than your freedom if he could. Your actions today, however unintentional, have demonstrated that you are not as defenceless as he believes. You are a human female, but also a powerful Miko, and he will now have greater respect for you, and your abilities".

"Damn right he will", declared Inuyasha. "That stupid wolf will think twice about kidnapping you again. Sango, Miroku, and Shippo are happy because you finally put that bastard in his place. You told Wolf-Turd, in a way that a youkai can understand, that he can't just show up out of nowhere and try to claim you for himself and his pack of flea-bags. You've stated that you belong to _us_, Kagome, and that you prefer _our_ company to his".

Kagome's mouth turned down unhappily as she watched Kouga's drooping brown tail disappear into the underbrush. "I didn't mean to hurt him".

Sesshoumaru stroked his knuckles over her cheek. He understood her regret. She was a gentle soul, preferring peace over conflict, but she too had to learn that some lessons were necessary. "I know, little Miko, but it was kinder that you dealt him this blow than I". Sesshoumaru confirmed the worst of Kagome's fears.

"Inuyasha has spoken truly. You are _ours_, little Miko. Be glad that the wolfling still has his legs and his life. He would be dead had he tried to steal you again today. I would not be merciful to a thief that dared to appropriate what I consider to be my own".

**Word Count:** 1998


	10. Miko Can Be Magicalled Subdued Too

_**How To Annoy A Hanyou **_

_**by Pyreite**_

_Inspired by Riku Ryuu's Random Prompts_

**Prompt:** Socks

**Warning**: _Contains strong coarse language. Discretion is advised._

**Lesson 10: A Miko can be magically subdued too.**

She may have been in the Feudal Era, five hundred years in the past, but even Kagome couldn't escape the sweltering summer heat. The sun was shining, the sky was a vibrant egg-shell blue, and the clouds were fluffy and white. The day was perfect, except for the perverted monk trying to charm his way into her meagre shelter. Kagome closed her paper-fan with a flick of her wrist. She was quick to smack the hand trying to filch her medieval equivalent to modern-day air-conditioning.

"Ow! _Kagome-sama_!" grumbled Miroku. The monk pouted as he rubbed his raw red knuckles. He tried to appear small, innocent and adorable to the irritable Shikon Miko. Miroku looked at Kagome with his watery eyes glittering like wet amethysts. "Surely someone as kind and beautiful as you, Kagome-sama, would not want a humble monk, such as I, to endure the hardships of summer without the means to keep myself cool", wheedled Miroku.

Kagome's nose wrinkled disdainfully. She looked the monk in the eye as she unfolded her paper-fan. The crinkled paper, spread between lengths of dried bamboo, revealed the exquisite image of a sprinting inuyoukai. Kagome silently offered the fan to the sweaty red-faced monk. She watched as his expression morphed from gratefulness to chagrin.

Miroku graciously refused to take the fan. "You are ever thoughtful, Kagome-sama, but I could not in good conscience, allow you to neglect your own comfort for mine". The monk smiled tentatively as the irritable Shikon Miko glared at him. He had been trying to steal her fan since mid-morning, until he'd finally seen the beautiful imagery painted onto the paper. The portrayal of an inuyoukai sprinting under a starry moonlit sky had changed Miroku's attitude in a heartbeat.

"You've been trying to swipe my fan all morning!" grumbled Kagome. "Why won't you take it now?" She snapped the fan closed when Miroku helplessly shrugged his shoulders. He earned himself another smack on the knuckles when he smiled sympathetically. It was a terrible thing to have the favour of the Lord of the Western Lands.

Miroku endured the pain of Kagome's ire as they were showered by silky pink petals. He looked up into the branches of the blossoming cherry-tree sheltering them from the fierce summer sun. A pair of golden eyes peered at him from amidst the silvery green leaves. "The pervert's got a filthy mind, wandering hands, and a penchant for propositioning anything with a womb, but he's not an idiot, Kagome", remarked Inuyasha. "He knows that he'll live longer if he steals something a little less valuable like your socks, rather than that piece of painted crap you're using like a shield against the sun".

Inuyasha looked over Kagome's shoulder at the spread paper-fan. His lip curled indignantly when he saw the elegant water-coloured scenery. It was pretty, completely impractical, and only useful for one thing. Showing the world and its denizens that the Shikon Miko was under the protection of the Lord of the Western Lands. Inuyasha appreciated the added security, but he didn't like how his big brother was showering Kagome with _gifts_.

"Bloody, Bastard", growled the hanyou. "He could have given you something useful like armour or a proper weapon instead of that useless piece of tra-_OI_!" Inuyasha bared his fangs when he saw a glint of silver around Kagome's neck. He growled when she discreetly hid her face behind that painted paper-fan like a simpering female youkai at court. "_Put that stupid thing down and show me what you're wearing_!" snarled Inuyasha.

Miroku was curious too. He tapped his chin, forgetting the hanyou's earlier prod at his dignity, as he tried to decipher the puzzle right under his nose. He'd seen that glint of silver too, bright and glistening, like a dewdrop shining in the sun. Miroku hooked a calloused finger over the fringe of Kagome's painted paper-fan. He carefully pulled the edge of the fan down to expose her mortified cherry-pink face.

"_Miroku_!" scolded Kagome. She was pleasantly flustered despite the summer heat. Miroku noted the way she cowered behind that beautiful paper-fan. She had something to hide. Miroku found the bait irresistible. Kagome-sama had a _secret_.

Miroku glanced into the green canopy overhead. He arched a black brow, silently conveying a question to the disgruntled hanyou crouching in the boughs above them. Golden eyes narrowed. Silver brows furrowed. A pair of silky canine ears flattened moodily against Inuyasha's crown.

The hanyou peered down at Miroku. He seemed to consider the monk's silent cue for a moment. He looked at Kagome, flared his nostrils, and sniffed the air like a curious dog. Inuyasha frowned confusedly when he smelt Ah-Un's earthy musk mingled with the honey-sweetness of Kagome's embarrassment. He had expected to find her drowning in Sesshoumaru's scent instead.

"Why do you smell like the Bastard's nippy dragon-horse-thing?" asked Inuyasha. He was more confused than suspicious. Sesshoumaru usually took advantage of any and every opportunity to snuggle up to Kagome. He'd been keeping his distance lately, which was fairly unusual for the snooty inuyoukai. Inuyasha flicked a silver canine ear, a silent cue for Miroku to slide closer to the Shikon Miko while she was distracted.

Kagome reddened to the tips of her ears. She didn't notice the shadow that fell across her lap as Miroku skilfully slipped his fingers under the locks of her hair. She was too preoccupied with her thoughts as she tried to think up a convenient excuse. Inuyasha's nose was keen. He'd know if she lied outright, but a half-truth wasn't technically a lie. She hoped that Inuyasha wouldn't be able to _smell_ the difference.

"I was helping Jaken saddle Ah-Un for riding", explained Kagome. She bit her lip when Inuyasha frowned. He wasn't convinced so she elaborated to cover her tracks. "We were showing Rin how to fasten and unfasten Ah-Un's harness and saddle. It was a lesson. Sesshoumaru-sama insisted that she should know how to do it properly".

The Shikon Miko blanched when Inuyasha eyed her like a dog would a cat. He was quiet as he scrutinised her every move. Kagome resisted the urge to fidget though her friend was making her very nervous. She opened her mouth to say something when Miroku's hand slipped inside the collar of her blouse. She gasped when his calloused fingertips boldly caressed her clavicle.

"_Hey_!" growled Inuyasha. "_Get the necklace you pervert_! _If your hand slides south I'll cut it off_!"

Kagome screeched when Miroku stroked her throat. "_WAH_! _GET YOUR HAND OUT OF THERE_!" She gaped owlishly when his finger slipped under the silver thread around her neck. Kagome was red-faced when the sly monk eased it out from underneath her clothes. She grasped his wrist, nails digging in, as he smiled roguishly.

"Oh, Kagome-sama", cooed Miroku. He twined the silver thread around his knuckles and drew her in like a fish on a line. "You have been a very naughty girl". Miroku clucked his tongue disapprovingly. "We practitioners of the Holy Arts are employed to vanquish our demonic foes not to flirt with them".

Inuyasha growled ominously. The guttural sound, rife with tension, made the skin of his throat throb like a heartbeat. He was furious. "_Show me what she's been hiding, Miroku_!" Inuyasha scowled when the monk turned his hand over to reveal several ivory fangs of various sizes artfully strung together on a silver thread.

"It's just a necklace!" hissed Kagome. She blushed when Miroku smiled sympathetically. She was not reassured by the gentle shake of his head. The monk was a womanising lecher, but he also had a heart of gold. He wouldn't lie about something this important. Kagome bit her lip uncertainly.

"It is just a necklace isn't it Miroku-sama?"

Inuyasha snarled like a territorial dog. "_You know it's not just a bloody necklace_!" He plucked a bunch of cherry-blossoms out of the tree and tossed them at Kagome in a fit of temper. He swore when the flowers disintegrated showering her in pink petals. Inuyasha reddened when he realised how pretty she really was.

Kagome pouted guiltily. She averted her gaze as she eased her grip on Miroku's wrist. She gathered the string of canine fangs in the palms of her hands. The necklace was a grisly trophy displaying the kills of an ardent admirer. "Fine", admitted Kagome. She was pink-cheeked as she explained the significance of the ivory teeth around her neck.

"I know it's not just an ordinary necklace".

Miroku patted Kagome's knuckles. He felt for her. He really did. Youkai were a strange lot when it came to romantic gestures. They didn't do things by halves.

"No it's not", agreed Miroku. He rubbed the silver thread on which her set of canine teeth had been strung between his fingers. The fibre was soft, silky, and incredibly strong. "Sesshoumaru-sama has been most generous indeed", said Miroku. "The thread, I believe, is made from his very own hair. That he used such a personal part of himself to string these fangs together shows just how highly he thinks of you, Kagome-sama".

Inuyasha snorted contemptuously when the Shikon Miko blushed. Her head turned, her chin tipped upward, and she regarded him with her sad sea-blue eyes. "I'm sorry, Inuyasha", she apologised ruefully. "I know how much you hate it when Sesshoumaru-sama is kind to me, but it would have been rude to refuse him. He put so much effort into painting the paper-fan and in weaving the thread for my necklace too".

Kagome's nose wrinkled when Miroku jostled the silver thread around her neck. The ivory fangs clinked together like bells. She grimaced distastefully. "The teeth are a bit morbid though. I'm not sure where he got them. I asked him if the fangs were Ah-Un's or his own baby-teeth, but he wouldn't tell me".

Kagome frowned as Miroku curiously ran a finger down the largest of the fangs. She grabbed the vulnerable pad of his thumb before he could prod experimentally. She was quick to separate the fang's tip from the monk's skin. "Be careful, Miroku-sama!" warned Kagome. "Those fangs came out of a youkai's mouth! You don't know where they've been! I've seen Ah-Un lick his dangly-bits clean just like a cat! You could catch something_ nasty!_"

Kagome reddened when Miroku stared at her. "What?" She paused when she heard Inuyasha's baritone snicker. She tilted her head back to look up into the treetop overhead. She intended to scold Inuyasha for being rude until she saw someone very familiar looming over her.

Golden eyes glinted like polished coins. A silver brow was arched curiously. Fine and silky silver hair cascaded from his crown like water over rock. He was beautiful, regal, and horribly punctual. Sesshoumaru, the Lord of the Western Lands, regarded the Shikon Miko with the imperious arrogance of youkai royalty.

"_Sesshoumaru_-_sama_!" blurted Kagome. "I didn't mean-I was just-I mean it's so nice to see you again!" She pasted on a smile that turned sour when the inuyoukai Lord didn't return her enthusiasm. He was terrifyingly frigid like a block of ice. Kagome gingerly tested the waters of his temper.

"Sesshoumaru-sama, I know how that sounded, but I really do appreciate the gesture".

Kagome flinched when her attempt at appeasement was quashed by a cold question.

"Do you not like my gifts little, Miko?"

Miroku discreetly slipped his fingers out from under Kagome's hair. His sleight of hand caught Sesshoumaru's attention, though he was readily ignored. The monk nodded respectfully. He peered up into the tree, overhead, spying Inuyasha amidst the cherry-blossoms. Miroku inclined his head, a delicate nod of ascent, as Sesshoumaru conveniently distracted the Shikon Miko.

The plan was in motion.

Kagome fell for it hook, line, and sinker as she tried to plead for forgiveness from the Lord of the Western Lands. Her paper fan fluttered nervously under her nose. She smiled bashfully, cheeks pink, as she sought to pacify his offended sense of youkai honour. Kagome was eye-level with his crotch when she screeched. "_I love your gifts_!"

Sesshoumaru smiled amusedly. He looked down at the yellow and blue sash tied around his waist. The Miko's unerring focus would have flustered lesser youkai. "I meant the fan and the necklace little, Miko", teased Sesshoumaru. "I am genuinely flattered by your interest, however, my eyes are up here".

The cherry-branches shook. The leaves rustled agitatedly. Inuyasha muttered a tirade of youkai curses that would have made the Shikon Miko blush had she understood the insults and their meaning. Sesshoumaru ignored his temperamental half-brother. The boy had no sense of subtlety, unlike Miroku, who bowed his head, tucked his chin into the collar of his robe, and discreetly chortled under his breath.

Sesshoumaru waited patiently as Kagome tried to save face. Her eyes were round like twin moons as she thrust her chin forward. She stared at his silk-clad crotch for several moments. Sesshoumaru cleared his throat with a hoarse cough. The Shikon Miko was too mesmerised to notice the subtle vocal cue.

The Lord of the Western Lands was confident in his own masculinity. He'd had youkai females aplenty chasing his tail for years uncounted. He was powerful, handsome, wealthy, and of excellent breeding or so he thought. The Shikon Miko seemed unconvinced of his superiority to the male members of her own species. Sesshoumaru was suspicious when she grimaced as if she were considering something truly _unpleasant_.

"By the Kami that must have hurt", muttered Kagome. "Lady Izayoi was braver than I could ever be to willingly ride that hound to the pound". She gaped when a pair of ivory silk-clad knees bent. She watched warily as an irritated inuyoukai sank to the ground before her. Sesshoumaru crouched like a cat, poised to pounce, as he studied her rapidly reddening face. Kagome flinched when Miroku snorted like a piglet.

The monk was red-faced as he struggled to compose himself. His cheeks bulged. His eyes watered. Miroku sucked in a breath through his nose, snorting again, as he tried to hold the laughter inside. He slapped a hand over his mouth as he wept, chuckled, and wisely avoided eye-contact with Inuyasha's peeved elder brother.

Sesshoumaru frowned as he scrutinised Miroku. The monk was incorrigible. He scowled as his attention turned to the Shikon Miko. She too had averted her eyes. She was unwilling to meet his gaze, a sure sign that her thoughts had been less than chaste.

"Miko", Sesshoumaru said patiently. "Look at me".

Kagome diligently hid her face behind her paper fan.

Sesshoumaru scowled when Inuyasha snickered. He glared balefully into the leafy canopy overhead. His brother bared his fangs in a wolfish grin. "She won't listen, Bastard", he warned him. "You're gonna have to command her to cooperate".

Sesshoumaru glanced at Miroku. The monk was nodding vigorously. He looked ready to fall over and roll around in the grass laughing. Sesshoumaru sighed. He had hoped to delay testing the latest addition to his formidable youkai arsenal, but Kagome was being terribly uncooperative.

Sesshoumaru looked down his nose at the Shikon Miko. He sniffed haughtily as he commanded her to comply with his demands. "Miko!" he barked like a peeved bulldog. "You will look me in the eye! _Now_!" Sesshoumaru saw the beginnings of rebelliousness in Kagome's usually calm and kind face. The mutinous curling of her lower-lip, the disdainful wrinkling of her nose, and the infuriating way her eyebrows furrowed revealed her reluctance to obey him.

Sesshoumaru arched a silver brow as the spells, woven into the fangs adoring Kagome's neck, flared to life in a spectacular fashion. He watched impassively as sparks of blue-white youki sizzled over her scalp. Seconds later, the bewildered Shikon Miko, sported a halo of fried frizzy black hair. She blinked, opened her mouth, and exhaled a lungful of white smoke. Sesshoumaru smirked when Kagome finally acknowledged him.

Her head turned and she regarded him cagily. Sesshoumaru was pleased when she neither burst into tears nor yowled like a neutered cat. He deduced that the Shikon Miko was simply too stunned by his deviousness to react with anything other than surprise. Sesshoumaru was amused when Kagome blinked like a glassy-eyed owl. Her face was an open book of incredulity and confusion.

"Sesshoumaru-sama", said Kagome. "Did you put a subduing spell on the necklace I'm wearing?"

The Lord of the Western Lands admired the silver thread bejewelled with a myriad collection of pearly white youkai fangs. He smiled benevolently. "I did". He ignored Miroku's nasally snickers when Kagome frowned in befuddlement. She was genuinely puzzled as to why he'd been so uncharacteristically underhanded.

"Did you trick me to avenge Inuyasha's honour?" asked Kagome as she combed her fingers through the stiff strands of her hair.

Sesshoumaru peered up into the boughs of the blossoming cherry-tree overhead. He nodded when his baby-brother grinned impishly. "Partly", he admitted. Sesshoumaru resisted the urge to laugh when the Shikon Miko pouted miserably. Her hair, a poofy halo of frizziness, would need a good dunking in cold water to make it limp again.

"Will my hair always end up like this if I disobey you?" Kagome mused aloud.

"Yes, though the effects will become more unpleasant the more defiant you are", affirmed Sesshoumaru. He smiled charmingly to disarm the Shikon Miko. He was pleased when she pouted unhappily. Her anger evaporated when she blushed. Sesshoumaru was genuinely amused by her inability to resist a simple flirtatious youkai smile.

"I can't really blame you for doing this, Sesshoumaru-sama, especially when this little necklace is obviously my comeuppance for sending Inuyasha face-planting into the dirt a thousand times", said Kagome. She reddened when Miroku guffawed, his chest heaving, as he laughed himself silly. Kagome fingered the silky silver thread around her throat. She glared at the array of polished youkai fangs. "I can be mad at the maker of the necklace, though, since I know that it couldn't possibly be you that fashioned this pretty little death-trap".

Inuyasha winked when Kagome glowered into the branches of the cherry-tree over her head. She resembled an angry hedgehog with every strand of her black hair standing on end. Blue-white sparks of electrified youki danced between the shiny black spines of her afro-styled coif. "_Inuyasha_", hissed Kagome. "_You are in so much trouble right now_!"

"What goes around comes around!" goaded the hanyou. "This is sweet karmic justice!"

Kagome yowled like an infuriated feline. Sesshoumaru gaped when the Shikon Miko leapt to her feet and darted like a hunting hound for the trunk of the cherry-tree. He had never seen a human move so fast. Sesshoumaru watched Kagome claw her way up the tree like a spiny black-furred monkey. She was an excellent climber when motivated.

Sesshoumaru was amused when the Shikon Miko, on reaching his brother's perch, soundly slapped him about the neck and shoulders. Inuyasha stayed perfectly still, a silly satisfied grin on his face, as he was smacked repeatedly. Sesshoumaru considered that enduring Kagome's wrath was likely a milder punishment than being skewered by an enraged youkai. He was surprised, however, when he did not to see the telling pink glow of her purification powers. He shared his observation with Miroku.

"The Miko is not purifying Inuyasha".

Miroku grinned. "Kagome-sama only purifies naughty youkai that try to eat her". He laughed when the Lord of the Western Lands frowned confusedly. "Do not worry, Sesshoumaru-sama, you are quite safe. Kagome-sama usually prefers to slap and scream at her friends, as demonstrated by Inuyasha above us, if we are foolish enough to make her _really_ angry".

Miroku sighed happily when Kagome berated Inuyasha like an ornery mother-hen. Her voice like the lash of a whip as she flayed his drooping canine ears with an angry maternal tirade. The monk was unperturbed by her angry cries. He was used to Kagome-sama growling like a she-bear with a tooth-ache whenever her friends dared to cross that invisible line between decency and respect. Inuyasha, unfortunately for her, rarely backed down from a fight or an argument too.

"Why did she not assault me instead of Inuyasha?", asked Sesshoumaru.

Miroku's cheeks dimpled as he smiled. "Kagome-sama thinks you're too honourable to play pranks, Sesshoumaru-sama". He nodded to the duo quarrelling in the branches above them. Inuyasha and the Shikon Miko were trading insults back and forth in a war of words. Miroku shrugged his shoulders nonchalantly as they continued to argue.

"She would also never think me capable of sharing certain priestly secrets", said the monk. He shared a conspiratorial look with Sesshoumaru. Miroku waggled his eyebrows. He smiled slyly. "Kaede isn't the only one that knows how to fashion a subjugation sutra".

Sesshoumaru nodded respectfully. "Your expertise was enlightening. I was not confident that youki could be substituted into the base enchanting. The results, however, are promising". Sesshoumaru smiled graciously. "I appreciate your guidance and complicity".

Miroku chuckled. "Of course, Sesshoumaru-sama. I was happy to assist".

**Word Count: **3513


End file.
